Friday, May 28, 2010

Best. Baby. Ever.

Seriously. This little girl is unbelievable.

I remember babies like this. When I had Teege, I attended a new moms' group in Hoboken. Most of us showed up with dark circles under our eyes, milk stains on our shirts, juggling screaming newborns for 45 minutes to calm them down for what would turn out to be a 5-minute nap, if we were lucky.

But there were those token few moms who breezed in, looking remarkably put together, cradling sweet little angels on their laps. When asked to share their highs and lows of motherhood with the group, they would wax blissfully about what a magical, wonderful time this was, how much they were enjoying their cherub, blah blah blah...all while said cherub would either sleep peacefully or smile at anyone who looked in their direction.

The rest of us would glare. Bitterly.

Well, I now have one of those cherubs. Kelly is an absolute sweetheart. She cries for maybe 5 minutes a day, total--and only when she really, really needs something. The rest of the time she's napping, or giggling at me, or just checking out the world around her.

This makes my imminent return to work very tough to swallow.

At the end of June, I start teaching part-time for six weeks at a local theater. Then I'll have most of August off, and return full-time in September.

I guess this makes me feel good. I remember counseling a little boy at camp once, telling him that homesickness was a good thing--it meant that home was a pretty great place to be. I suppose that my not wanting to go back to work means that mommyhood is agreeing with me more and more. With Teege, my world was so topsy-turvy, I was ready to just start work again and get my life in order. I felt kind of guilty that I didn't really want to stay home. It had nothing to do with him...I just longed for a semblance of order. I also didn't really feel like a mommy yet. The concept was still so foreign to me.

(Interesting question for my parent friends...when was the moment you first REALLY felt like a parent? NR and I discussed this the other day. Interestingly, both of us answered that it took a scary injury for our little guy to submerge us completely into the parent 'hood. And this was after he was a year old!)

With Kelly, things are much calmer, and...I feel so much more confident. Even times when I'm home alone with both kids, there isn't this panic and fear that I always felt the first time around.

I know things will work out when I do start working again. Thankfully I have a pretty low-stress job, supportive co-workers, an awesome parenting partner in NR, and a terrific daycare lined up.

But after a day like this one, just snuggling with Miss Kelly and reveling in her sweet little smiles, I can't help but long for more.