Wednesday, June 28, 2006

"So no one told me life was gonna be this way..." (clap clap clap clap clap)

...or, "why watching Friends makes me philosophical."

Back in high school, I was convinced I'd made the best friends of my life. Jenn, Erin, Dan, Tom, Jim, Pauly, Trish, Joey Freds...we loved and supported each other through break-ups, first dates, parental pressures, disappointments, driving tests, the works. Every morning, we'd gather in front of the auditorium to greet each other dramatically (my specialty was jumping into the arms of a waiting boy--we WERE theater geeks, after all), dish about the weekend, whine about our latest rehearsal, flirt, cry, cram, and laugh at the underclassmen who would desparately try to infiltrate our group. (Our favorite target was Angela--a poor soul whose facial mole would mysteriously migrate from day to day.)

Then college hit. We all scattered to different colleges, and even though nobody went very far (Dan was the brave soul who went to NYU--a whole two and a half hours away!), things changed. I tried valiantly to keep the home fires burning, but things were just never the same. This was before the time of email, so communication was limited. Yet I began to wonder--how valid was our friendship in the first place? Was it just circumstantial? Out of sight, out of mind?

Since then, I've approached friendships with a big ol' yield sign. I'll make the first "move," but you need to reciprocate. Friendships need to be nurtured; they can't be accessed simply when you're going through a rough time, or lonely.

I've also realized the value of cultivating a friendship with one person, instead of toting around a whole passel of peeps. Granted, passels are fun, but as I get older, I cherish a glass of wine with a girlfriend infinitely more than screaming in a bar with a bunch of quasi-friends.

Luckily, I have found some friends up here who follow the same policy. Most of them are through the "Jesuit Mafia" (Nick and I both work at Jesuit schools, which are rife with young, interesting, intelligent people--not to toot my own horn!), but I think that common bond is a valid one. We've known each other long enough now that we're starting to push past the politeness phase. I can be open and honest with them, warts and all. We're all starting to realize that we are flawed, weird, difficult individuals...and that's okay.

It's tough to find real friends. Yet once you make them, the real work begins--keeping them.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed reading this post! It's so true...I always thought that my high school friends were lifelong keepers... I haven't even graduated from college yet and I don't speak to several of them anymore. It really gives you perspective.